I grew up a pastor's kid. From the moment I was born I was at the church, and loved everything about Children's Ministry. I helped out in the nursery at age 6, and was a day/summer camp fanatic. I knew from a very young age that I wanted to accept Jesus into my heart, and did at the end of one of the day camps at the age of five. Everything in my life seemed to be perfect, but moving changed things.
I moved to California when I was 8 years old. When I first started school, I was home schooled for the first time, but quickly asked my parents to enroll me in public school because, as an extrovert, I couldn't handle being stuck at home for the whole day. My parents enrolled both my sister and me into the school that was only two blocks away from our house and I loved it! Well, most of it. The other kids in my class were in families where the parents weren't making a lot of money and focused on things other than how their child was doing at school. I wasn't being challenged, and I was soon dubbed as the 'smart new kid'. I didn't like how they were teasing me for how I did, but I just shrugged it off and befriended my teacher.
I wasn't just teased for my grades, though. I was called fat and ugly by most of the kids, even people I saw as my friends were laughing about how I looked and dressed. Both my parents and teacher knew, and helped try to stop the kids. I got over the comments, and moved on. The teasing didn't stop after fourth grade. For all of fifth, sixth, and seventh grade I was being pushed around my other people's opinions and didn't feel like I belonged with some of my groups of friends. I did have some amazing friends who were there for me, but I still felt alone.
Moving happened again. This move was way harder than the last, as I was 12 years old and understood everything that was happening. There was people I really didn't want to say goodbye to and leave, but I had to go across the country to a state that no one had heard of, Kentucky. Kentucky was scary, but promising. I could make a new identity for myself and leave the hurtful words of California classmates behind.
In Kentucky, I didn't hear mean words from anyone else, but they kept replaying in my head. I was ashamed of how I looked, which made me paranoid when it came to meeting new people. I would walk past someone I didn't know, and immediately sucked in my stomach, thinking they would like me more if i were thinner. I cried over how I wasn't fitting in at my new school and thought it was because of the uniform clothes I had chosen, when everyone else was wearing the exact same thing as me.
It never occurred to me to ask God for truth or to talk to other people in detail about what was going on. I ended up mostly okay, but there was still a part of me that wasn't okay. Flash-forward to 9th grade, and I finally feel like I'm starting to accept myself. I talked to God more and really listened to and thought about what was being said at church and in youth group. I constantly referred to Isaiah 41:10, "Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and give you help. And I will uphold you with my victorious right hand", and a quote by my favorite actress, "You are enough,you are so enough, it's unbelievable how enough you are". This quote and this verse reminded me that God is always with me and that I am enough without trying to be anyone else. I accepted that, and was at peace with myself.
Today, I love me! I'm becoming someone who I am proud of. I am a young woman of God who is there for people and who can go hours talking about a book series that no one cares about. This doesn't mean that I don't struggle with anything anymore, but I know how to tell the lies from the truth. I am comfortable talking to people, and am 100% certain that I can talk to God and he'll be there. But I'm still young, and I'm still learning more each day.